See Practical Secrets To A Happy And Long-Lasting Relationship

| April 8, 2017

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Long-term relationships have their ups and downs. But based on my experience, the book The Five Love Languages, written by relationship therapist Dr. Gary Chapman, actually provides a helpful roadmap for a lasting and happy relationship. Here’s the premise: each person experiences and expresses love in different ways, known as a love lanugage. Those include words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Fulfilling relationships occur when a partner expresses love in their partner’s primary love language. Breakdowns, on the other hand, happen when one partner gives love in the wrong language. For example: your partner buys you expensive jewelry (receiving gifts), but all you really want is a nice dinner out so you can reconnect (quality time).

According to the book, couples should figure out their primary love languages and share the results. This quiz is a great place to start. Once you know each other’s love languages, you can be mindful of expressing love in a way your partner can accept it. If it sounds easier said than done, here’s a breakdown of each language and some concrete ways you can “speak” it.

Words of Affirmation

Like a curious 4-year-old, people who speak this love language want to know why. Why you love them. Why you appreciate them. Why you’re upset with them or sorry you upset them. Think of “words of affirmation” like meaningful, positive feedback you hopefully get from a manager at work. Many of us also crave this reinforcement in our relationships, too.

How to put it into action:

Acts of Service

“Don’t tell me you love me — show me!” That’s what an “acts of service” partner is thinking. They feel loved when their partners do something special — and helpful — for them. These actions are a sign of selflessness, generosity, and thoughtfulness.

How to put it in action:

Receiving Gifts

A person who speaks this love language views gifts — big and small — as a substantive representation of love. It’s hard proof that your partner understands what you like and will sacrifice a bit of their time and money to make sure you have it.

How to put it in action:

Quality Time

Quality time means you’re giving your partner your full attention. For people who speak this love language, quality time goes beyond a movie date night (where you’re sitting in silence anyway) into more dynamic and conversation-heavy activities. It’s about putting aside your to-dos and making time to just be together.

How to put it in action:

Physical Touch

Ah, the power of a hug. People who experience love through physical touch crave the “touchy-feely” aspects of a relationship and can quickly feel distant from their partner if they’re not getting some PDA.

How to put it in action:

Source: Pop Sugar

 



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